A New Low videos

judd

Eric Thomas Craven — Sat, 12 Feb 2011 17:55:33 +0000

Blacklisted Clients: The Kyle Bernis Files

Eric Thomas Craven — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 23:48:48 +0000

1st collector for Blacklisted Clients: The Kyle Bernis Files
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Yetti vs Taem

Eric Thomas Craven — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 15:13:17 +0000

The warmth of a friend’s vomit brings joy to our hearts, sunlight to our souls, bile to our crotches, and pleasure to all of life.

Be sure to snatch up a Yetti vs Taem sticker and a copy of our AN’L Lies DVD! Awooga!

Download this video FREE on iTunes.

Marquis Brimley on “AN’L Lies”

Eric Thomas Craven — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 16:47:12 +0000

Blacklisted Clients: The Kyle Bernis Files

Eric Thomas Craven — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 06:29:32 +0000

Bella Morte "In The Dirt"

Eric Thomas Craven — Wed, 26 May 2010 19:57:46 +0000

The day A N’ L Lies was released (available here for an absolutely JUICY eight dollars and fifty cents), John Holden, Taem Jones and I migrated to Chattanooga, Tennessee to promote the DVD at Con Nooga 2010, pass the Bella Morte music video torch to Troma president, Lloyd Kaufman and participate in said music video, Bella Morte’s In the Dirt.

Now, first and foremost, I’d like to address why I wasn’t asked to direct Bella Morte’s new video. Afterall, I helmed the last three (zombie prom masterpiece, Earth Angel; dizzying blue hurricane of cinematic triumph, On The Edge; and the one with feathers, Find Forever Gone)…naturally, their fans were chanting my name in harmonic unison, awaiting the fourth coming of—what was it they were calling me…the “music video messiah” or something to that effect. So, what happened?

As you well know, I’m taking Hollywood by storm. I’m a very big deal. Essentially, I was asking 6 figures to do the new video…but Cock-Block Kaufman agreed to do it for a #6 at Taco Bell. See, it’s problematic when filmmakers are more involved with “art” and less concerned with money. So now, my name doesn’t appear in lights and my bank account suffers…it’s like, go get a paintbrush or something, artfag.

Lloyd and his Troma imprint were a very important part of my upbringing. Five minutes into my young and tender first viewing of the Toxic Avenger, my father jabbed his gurthy, vein rippled viking thumb hard into the eject button on our VCR and set sail for an angry return to Little Joe’s Video Rental. Hopping out of the director’s chair for this guy was a real honor…and knowing that I’d farted in it moments before he called “move your feet, lose your feet” was an added bonus.

So, without further ado, here’s Lloyd Kaufman’s latest work, STARRING John Holden, Taem Jones, myself, Toxie…and some unnecessary secretary (?) who makes the same face in every scene she’s in. Enjoy!

Self-Defense Tips From a Carnie

Eric Thomas Craven — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 00:26:41 +0000

Patrick Swayze will live on in the hearts of millions of moviegoers as ghastly New York City night demon, Sam Wheat…and, of course, no one is likely to forget John “fidgety hips” Castle any time soon. However, with Swayze’s recent passing comes the inevitability of his secondary roles fading slowly into obscurity…and with this, we’re faced with the very real possibility of future generations growing up without the guidance of his most important film credit, James Dalton.

Dalton deficiency in a boy’s development will spark the devolution of man.

Without Road House, you lose the immortal words “pain don’t hurt”…and without this declaration, humanity loses it’s strength. Our species will become frail and weak. We will eventually be conquered by creatures inferior by today’s standards. A century from now it’s a distinct possibility our surviving civilization will succumb to a herd of guinea pigs.

The question begging to be answered is: Who’s going to put the “MAN” back in the future of “mankind”?

Along comes Scotty. He’s coolheaded and evenhanded, but he means business. His experience transcends taking out the trash at a seedy roadside bar…he does his dirty work on the savage fairgrounds. No man’s land. On top of that, he too has a degree in philosophy, only his was printed out on carnival tickets and inked with the blood of all those who’ve dared cut in line at the merry-go-round.

In Scotty, we have not only the successor to James Dalton, but perhaps…

…the savior of the human race.

see also:

Bon voyage, Scotty!

Carnie Tales (vol.2)

Sex Advice From a Carnie

Carnie Tales (vol. 1)

Sex Advice From a Carnie

Eric Thomas Craven — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 01:28:24 +0000

Scotty is a rogue, a libertine…a carnie. He is so famous for his many illicit love affairs and perpetual womanizing that his name is synonymous with the art of seduction. For Scotty, the fairgrounds are an open field of sexual opportunities…for the rest of us, his incontrovertible sex advice is an opportunity for self improvement.

see also:

Bon voyage, Scotty!

Carnie Tales (vol.2)

Self-Defense Tips From a Carnie

Carnie Tales (vol. 1)

Wainy Days: Rochelle (Parts 1 & 2)

Eric Thomas Craven — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 04:33:14 +0000

Watch me steal the spotlight from David Wain in Wainy Days episodes 30 & 31. I do it all–I sit, I clap, I stand, I stare! Check out more episodes at www.wainydays.com

Bella Morte "Find Forever Gone"

Eric Thomas Craven — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 19:30:00 +0000

I had no idea this was going up today, but my latest directorial effort is now online! This is the music video for “Find Forever Gone” by Bella Morte off their new album, Beautiful Death, which drops this coming Tuesday...

Happy October!